A Long Obedience

It's been a long time in coming, but I'm finally sitting down to write my thoughts on the wonderful biography I read on Dietrich Bonhoeffer. If you want to be challenged in your thinking, in your ideas about how to live out your faith in God, and about how we're called to love and serve each other, then this is the book for you. It's a fascinating read about a man so wholly committed to his Savior that nothing could cause him to waver in his stand for Truth. I don't even know how to begin to properly review a book of this size (it's over 500 pages long) and depth (it covers not only Bonhoeffer's life, but many other relevant facets and information about life inside of Germany before and during WWII). Instead of trying to fit my thoughts into a mold that I can't even picture the shape of, I want to simply share my thoughts and the themes that stood out to me and fit in with other thoughts I've been thinking lately.

Possibly the biggest theme that stood out to me was Bonhoeffer's obedience. It reminded me of a quote by Frederich Nietzsche that I first heard last year when I was preparing to work for Summit Ministries' two-week summer conference in TN. He wrote, "The essential thing 'in heaven and earth' is...that there should be a long obedience in the same direction; there thereby results, and has always resulted in the long run, something which has made life worth living." Though not his intent, I think he was hitting on a very true principle that is taught in Scripture -- Christians often teach it as virtue, or steadfastness, or endurance. It's the idea that in order to live a meaningful life (and a life of true discipleship), one must be grounded in truth and remain committed to what is right and good and true. The life that flows from that journey toward and in truth is a good and virtuous life -- lived for the glory of God. And time after time as I read about Bonhoeffer's life, I was struck by his obedience -- especially in the face of tremendous opposition and personal loss.

In an essay he wrote regarding his involvement in the plots to stop Hitler and his reasons for believing it to be the right thing to do, he wrote: "Who stands fast? Only the man whose final standard is not his reason, his principles, his conscience, his freedom, or his virtue, but who is ready to sacrifice all this when he is called to obedient and responsible action in faith and in exclusive allegiance to God -- the responsible man, who tries to make his whole life an answer to the question and call of God."

Those were challenging words -- do I try to make my "whole life an answer to the question and call of God?" Am I fully committed to that "long obedience" in the right direction in my life, and is that commitment driven and fueled by my love for Christ? The story of Bonhoeffer's faithfulness was inspiring and challenged me in this area. Time and again he refused the easy road and opted to fully follow God, even though it would ultimately cost him his life. When he could have followed along with the liberal theologians in Germany at that time, he chose to take a stand and helped start the Confessing Church. He trained young theologians and pastors to intentionally live their lives modeled after the Sermon on the Mount and in complete and total obedience to God. He could have escaped to America until the end of the war, but instead took his place with the true church in Germany; he faced the conflict with the people of God knowing that the outcome may not be good for him. He made these and many other hard decisions because of his obedience to and love for God.

And so I ask myself questions like, "Who or what has my affections?" "What little decisions am I making today that will help me make more significant decisions later on?" "Am I on the path of obedience to my Lord or pursuing my own interests?" (And that last question doesn't have to pose mutually exclusive alternatives -- as long as I pursue the interests God has given me for His glory and in His timing.) "Do I take my Lord's commands seriously or am I a 'forgetful hearer' of his words?"

And on and on the questions go, joining the chorus of questions along those lines that I ask during my Bible study with friends on the book of James, or the questions I ask after a thought-provoking sermon or Sunday school lesson. The life of obedience is a life of discipline and dedication to my God, and ultimately the only life that offers joy. If you want to be challenged in your faith, your thinking, and your mindset of daily living, read this book. You will not regret it; you'll be encouraged by the faithfulness of one man who was willing to give his life for the cause of Christ, of Truth, of what is noble and right and good. And the life that influenced so many people of his time will influence yours as well.

The Hunger Games: A Response to the Reviews

I had no intention of “reviewing” The Hunger Games. In fact, I rarely (if ever) write a review of a movie, because if it’s controversial enough, then most likely other people with whom I agree will have already written about it, and this introvert hates being just another voice spouting the same thing as everyone else. But for this book/movie, something was different. Almost every time I read a review, something seemed wrong. Even if the review was good, I would read comments that readers posted, and their thoughts would trouble me. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what was bothering me. Vaguely I knew it was because people were just spouting but not thinking through their arguments (yeah, I debated in high school, and yeah, it still affects me). But an odd sensation was growing inside of me: I wanted to write a response to the reviews of The Hunger Games. Something about all the other reviews made me think that something was missing. And then I figured out what it was.

I did not watch the movie for entertainment. If you are going to watch it for entertainment, just don’t.

I watched the movie for instruction. Because I had read the books, I knew what was coming. I knew about the violence. I knew it would be hard to watch. But I chose to watch it anyway because I knew that seeing the movie would make me think, and think really hard.

In our entertainment-driven society, it’s hard to think about reading a book or watching a movie for a purpose other than entertainment. And that’s why so many of the Christian reviews that I read bothered me. It’s because they weren’t actually reviews of the book or movie as a book or movie, but they were cautionary cries against going to see a movie that was so “dark” or so “violent” and they claimed that “as Christians” we shouldn’t be watching or thinking about things that are not pure, lovely, virtuous, true, etc. etc.

And that’s why I said that if you’re only going to watch the movie or read the books for entertainment (and have NO discussion of the ideas), then don’t do it. From things I’ve read from and about the author (Suzanne Collins), the series was meant to critique our “vulture-culture” that loves to see and hear about violence in the news, in stories, and in our own neighbors’ lives. (You’re probably guilty, too. Ever wished the person giving a prayer request at church would have provided just a few more details?) That was her intention. It saddens me to see all the entertainment hype surrounding the opening weekend of the movie, because that goes against the very critique of the book. But maybe it also illustrates a point. And that point may be this: That our society no longer knows how to watch a movie or read a book and be instructed or warned by it; a movie today automatically says “entertainment for a couple of hours” and viewers, figuratively speaking, shut their brains off. That is tragic to me. Why? Because one of the best ways to be instructed is through stories – stories of another person or society’s failure or triumph. Through those stories we gain knowledge and wisdom about how to live our lives, how to love well, and how to influence and understand culture.

The simple truth is, every story has a message. No movie or book is exempt. And if a person is mature enough to read or view a story with discernment and take instruction from that, then by all means, go read or watch. If a person doesn’t have the discernment to watch for a purpose other than being entertained, then please do not go see this movie, and do not read the books. In fact, I can’t think of very many movies or books you should read if your sole purpose is entertainment and you aren’t willing to think a little bit. As Christian viewers, we’re called to “take every thought captive” in every area of our lives. I don’t think this means we shy away from controversial issues, because our whole existence consists of controversial issues. Instead, I think it means we tackle them, know them for what they truly are, and use discernment in how to think about them.

What did I learn from reading and watching The Hunger Games? I saw a bleak picture of where our society could be headed. It happened to Rome, and there is nothing to say that it could not happen to the United States. I entered into the story and ached for the Districts of Panem whose sons and daughters were forced to endure a bloodbath every year. I was sickened by the violent society that enjoyed watching the bloodbath. I was touched and inspired by the courage of some of the children that defiantly stood against the evils of the Capitol, and were willing to suffer personal pain and the possibility of losing everything and everyone they loved because they knew that the Capitol was wrong, and that there was something better to fight for. I was moved by the themes of self-sacrifice, unconditional love, and honor and courage that stood strong in the midst of the violence.

I want to offer a brief aside before I wrap this response up. For those who have not read the book or watched the movie, please understand this while you read all the reviews: The story is not about violence. That was one thing that really bothered me about many of the reviews that I read; the author (sometimes someone who had not even seen the movie or read the book) thought that because there was a lot of violence in the story and that because so many people in the culture enjoyed watching it, that the book and movie advocate violence, and therefore, people should not read or watch it. This is a far cry from the truth, and we should not be guilty of such blatant misrepresentation of the story. The story uses violence to illustrate a point; it is not about violence, and in fact portrays it as being against everything that is good and true.

Interestingly, I watched this movie as I was finishing up the biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer written by Eric Metaxas. He was the real-life embodiment of so many of the themes of this book and movie, and his courage and perseverance in the fight for what was good and true was inspiring. Knowing about his life and his dedication to the truth helped me think through many of the themes in the book/movie and see how they play out in “real life.”

To live the Christian life is to be called to more than either partaking in the mindless entertainment mentality of the culture or standing against it and refusing to even think through the ideas presented. It is a call to understand who we are, what we were made for, and how to live in the times in which we were chosen to live. That doesn’t mean that every Christian needs to go see The Hunger Games. But I think it does mean that whether you see that movie or any other that you are called to think, and reason through ideas and know how you can be instructed by them.

my new job and a speech

This will be a random post. I've wanted to write another post for awhile now, but have had too many thoughts to organize into separate posts. I've wanted to tell you about my grandfather who passed away last month. I will hopefully do that soon, assuming I can put into words all the thoughts and feelings I have about him and his incredible life. I've wanted to tell you about my new job! This was a major answer to lots of prayers from an unexpected source and in an unexpected way. Part of my lapse in posting actually is due to my job. I've wanted to post thoughts on Kony2012 and the recent developments last week. I've wanted to post more snippets from the Bonhoeffer biography I'm reading. And there will be time for all of that; that's the beauty of a low-key, personal blog -- you can post at your own pace when you feel like it. 

For tonight, I want to tackle two things: A description of my job (for those that have asked), and a speech I'm giving on Thursday. First, the job.

Guess what? I finally decided what I want to do when I grow up! This is such a great feeling, let me tell you. But, I feel justified in just now discovering this "dream job;" while professions like fire fighters, teachers, and doctors have been around for ages and my childhood friends could declare with confidence their chosen jobs, my dream job hadn't yet been invented. Literally. I always had a vague idea that I wanted to do some sort of writing, I've always enjoyed research, and although I'm often more quiet and reserved personality-wise, I do love engaging with people (more so as I've gotten older and learned more about how ... is that weird that you have to learn to engage people well? It seems like some people just do it...). All of those things gave me clues and insights into what I wanted to do, but the mystery still remained.

I started putting more pieces together when I started an orphan advocacy project with some friends. As the "founder" of the project, I assumed the responsibility of updating the blog and social media sites. I loved it, and remember thinking at the time that I would love doing that kind of work. I didn't have any ideas about how to continue doing it, though.

And then I had a wonderful Summit adventure that started in July of last year and just kept getting better and longer until I finally came back home from living in the wonderfully beautiful and healing state of Colorado after a stint as mentor at Summit Semester. In January, I had no idea what to do next. I enjoyed some down time reading and catching up with friends. And in February, I spent a lot of frustrating time online looking at job postings. During the early part of this year, I had spent a lot of time praying about what to do next. I had a few different options, and ended up turning them all down once God so clearly provided a new direction: social media marketing. And He even provided a company! I've done office work for my dad off and on the past few years in between seasonal jobs and while in college, but had never done much marketing for him. When I told him I had decided what I wanted to do "when I grow up" he was so relieved that he offered me a job! ;)

But really ... it has been so great, and God has been so good. I posted before that I experience discouragement when embarking on new ventures, but He has been so faithful to steer me out of those times in creatively different ways -- sometimes through exercise breaks (and the desire to do those!), sometimes through a solution after trying in frustration to overcome website obstacles. Overall, this has been the perfect thing for me. I'm learning new strategies and tricks all the time, people have offered great advice and encouragement, and I'm excited to see where all of this will continue to go.

So that's the job update. It's a bit longer than I thought it would be (typical), so I'll keep this next part really short.

I'm speaking to a group of teenagers on Thursday afternoon. I'm telling them about my communication/public speaking journey, and also giving a speech on a topic of my choice. So my question for you: What would you talk to a group of 12-18 year olds about? I'm thinking something along the lines of the importance of thinking critically and gospel-centrically on current events, but am open to other suggestions! It can be about anything, really.

Well, that's my update! Hopefully I'll have more blog posts coming soon. ;)

Once I decided on the dream job, these were the books I ordered. So if you've lent me a book recently and I said I had a lot of books I'm reading, I wasn't kidding ;)

the significant hour

"God wants to see human beings, not ghosts who shun the world ... In the whole of world history there is always only one really significant hour -- the present ... If you want to find eternity you must serve the present." 

I heard this quotation from Deitrich Bonhoeffer this morning and it was very thought-provoking. On Sunday I drove down to Pine Mountain, GA to volunteer at a Summit Ministries event for Christian educators. I got to sit in on a few sessions, and this quotation was part of Dr. Jeff Myers' presentation this morning. A major theme of the conference that was challenging to me was the idea of living a life of virtue, which John Stonestreet described as a long obedience in the right direction. Living virtuously means to live a life that loves what is true and good -- a life dedicated to those things. It also means understanding that our lives are part of a bigger Story - the story of the world.

In light of all of that, and in light of the fact that I'm reading this excellent biography of Bonhoeffer right now, the quotation spoke volumes to me. Am I willing to serve the present in order to find eternity? Am I willing to see myself not as the leading role in my own story, but as a small piece in a much bigger, much more significant Story? If so, what will that life look like? I think the answers to those questions are beginning to culminate in my mind as I piece together thoughts I've had and prayers I've prayed recently, and I see a theme emerging. In order to serve the present and live my life as part of a bigger Story, I have to be faithful in the present time. I may not understand the bigger picture of where my life is headed, but when I understand that my life ultimately is not about me and my story, there is freedom to embrace the unknown and follow the Author of the world's story. There is freedom because the pressure is off of me to know and understand where I'm going and where I'm called; I'm free to serve God in the present time. I'm free to be fully human and fully alive -- to love God and the world He has placed me in. What a wonderful life: investing in the significant hour -- serving the present in order to find eternity.

discouragement & thanksgiving

Have you ever been headed down a path that you knew was ordered by God and as a result you were bursting with excitement? Have you ever tasted the thrill that comes from the prospects of new direction and calling in your life?

I've experienced the thrill and excitement in the past week of just that -- a sense of direction and vocation. After weeks of praying and filling out job applications and refining my resume and going in for interviews, I finally had peace about a calling that uses skills God has blessed me with in a field that fascinates me. The past few days have been filled with such joy for me, knowing the direction I needed to take after many weeks and months of uncertainty.

And yet today, in the midst of planning and executing and organizing details for this new venture, I was overwhelmed by a feeling of discouragement. What if I wasn't really cut out for this? What if all this excitement was just over a passing fad of enthusiasm about a dream job that didn't really exist? Perhaps the question that haunted me the most was this: What if I fail?

To add insult to injury, one of the most disappointing parts about meeting the onslaught of negative feelings and thoughts was that I knew that I was going to be faced with a surge of discouragement. I knew I would face it because it happens cyclically for me. I jump into something new and after a few short lived days of bliss, I fall into a pit of discouragement and have a hard time pulling myself out. Simply put, I was discouraged by my own discouragement. Talk about the "depths of despair."

This is an area I've wanted to have victory in for a long time. I want to be the happy, joyful person who doesn't give in to downer days and negative feelings. I want to have the feeling of being completely in control of my life and emotions and be able to talk myself out of any hint of feeling like I'll fail. But again and again I fall, and end up battling the same discouragement again.

Today as I closed my computer on my frustrations and headed up from the basement office where I was working into my bedroom, I sighed at the discouragement I felt. My room was a mess, and I didn't feel like being there, but it was the only place to be alone. I forced myself to clean, knowing it would make me feel better. I bagged up a bunch of stuff to drop off at Goodwill, knowing that the process of removing junk would help me mentally do the same thing. I opened a window to let in some fresh, springtime-in-February air and to also let out some of the stuffiness surrounding me. And as I sat on my bed to journal about how down I felt, I grabbed my Bible along with my journal; David was sure down in the pits enough - maybe he'd have something with which to encourage me.

"For the word of the Lord is upright, and all his work is done in faithfulness ... the whole earth is full of the steadfast love of the Lord."

Those two verses spoke volumes to me in the moment of my discouragement. The whole earth is full of my Father's steadfast (unchanging, unwavering) love. I have to remember that in the moment of my discouragement, the evidences of God's love are everywhere, if I will only take the time to acknowledge them and thank him. Thanking him reminds me of his calling, of his placement of my life at this time and this place, and I'm filled with hope; the discouragement is lifted, and I'm free to praise God. Or maybe in the midst of my praise, I'm made free. I'm drawn into the love displayed at Calvary, and begin to preach the gospel to myself ... again. And in that proclamation of the gospel, my mind is renewed and able to recite the truth to my discouraged self.

Are you discouraged? Let God's love for you refresh you. Revel in it. And when the refreshment has settled in, continue with your work with the sound of his praises on your lips and in your heart, where the memory and knowledge of his love will carry you through.

[I'll post soon about the exciting (it really is!) new direction I'm headed. =)]

One Thousand Gifts

I've been slowly working my way through Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts, a book about eucharisteo, or thanksgiving. Through personal stories and musings from her life and walk with God, she posits that our life should be one of thanksgiving; without giving thanks our lives can have no joy, and we overlook the many blessings that God bestows on us daily. A friend of hers challenged her to write a list of one thousand gifts in her life that she was thankful for, and I've been inspired to do the same. By giving thanks, we acknowledge God as the author of all good things, and our life becomes one of praise.

As I was thinking about the book this evening, I thought of one thing I would add to my growing list of one thousand gifts, and that is simply the gift of good friends. Specifically, friends who are willing to pull me outside of my comfortable box, whether that's encouraging me in a job pursuit, or telling me that I can't stay home and "just read" one more night -- I have to get out and go to dinner and a movie. I'm grateful for the friends who invest in me and love me unconditionally, and who are always there for me. I'm grateful for these gifts.

I'm hoping to post on here about more of the thousands of gifts from God to me. It's a challenging and humbling exercise to be struck by the little and big blessings and to take time to give thanks -- to acknowledge God's goodness and grace and to praise him for who he is.

"By this we know love..."

"By this we know love, that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers."

This was the opening text for my pastor's sermon last Sunday night, and I've been thinking about his words and this passage ever since. He made one statement that really stood out to me: "The only way we know what love is is by examining the cross." It's true. I can't understand how to love until I've fastened my eyes on the cross. I don't know compassion until the meaning of the cross is impressed upon me strongly. Loving requires living my life centered on the gospel -- the good news that God loves me!

Practically, this can look like a lot of things. 1 John 3:18 says, "...let us not love in word or talk but in deed and truth." I think a good starting point to loving others is getting to the place where we can love in word and talk. If we can't love others through our communication to them and about them, we certainly can't do it through our deed and the truth. This first step is hard, and yet -- according to this passage -- it isn't even the most important. After we learn to communicate in love, we must act in love. And I know I can't do that apart from a life that is fixed at the cross, because the temptations to do otherwise (engage in one little bit of gossip, or read one little negative thing, or think one little harsh thought about another) are strong.

We learn to love by gazing on the One who is the very expression of the Father's love to us. We learn this lesson at the foot of the cross.

Why Blog?

Confession: This isn't the first blog I've started.

Goal: Actually write on this blog.

I've found that writing keeps me accountable. It keeps me accountable in how I think, and what I think about each day. Forcing myself to write forces me to confront my thoughts and what I spend time thinking about. Perhaps as a logical next step, it forces me to consider how I spend my time each day. Am I wasting time in day dreams? Am I thinking through the implications of my daily actions? Am I thinking ahead?

So, the purpose of this blog? It will be a place to express some of my thoughts. I don't know that I'll write here every day, but I hope to develop the habit of writing a little bit every day (yay for journals!). It's a discipline, and one that I hope to practice for the rest of my life. Hopefully my writing will be beneficial and enjoyable for whoever ends up reading it!

Settling

After wandering and traveling and seeing and experiencing, settling down is rather a scary venture for me. As difficult as it may be to pack, unpack, board planes, meet new people, and engage with new ideas, it is equally as difficult and terrifying at times for me to just settle down and commit to a place and community. I know what travel and adventure looks like -- I've been blessed with those things for the past few years. But a vision of what it means to stay and to invest? That's what I'm learning about now.

And so, I embark on a new type of adventure. The adventure of staying. And I think within that venture, there are all kinds of opportunities to explore, to travel, to learn and to grow. Perhaps these opportunities come in different forms than before, like in reading a book instead of boarding a plane, but they are filled with unexpected joys as well.

I'm looking forward to some of the following things in this new season: Enjoying time spent with friends here; writing letters to friends far away; finding a job (!); anticipating what will happen in the future. With me, who knows the next time I will board a plane to a new job, country, or visit. But for now, I'll enjoy the present and the community of church and friends here. In a way, this blog is a place for me to record the things I'm learning, to wrestle with thoughts, and to speak simply of the beauty of things found in the now.